Here it goes.....So recently I have become rather frustrated with boys and their expectations of relationships. Let me embellish on what I mean. Recently I met this guy at my church membership class. From what I could tell as I watched him interact with other members and our church staff, he seemed like a really nice guy. He seemed well respected from others, kind and well, very attractive. Matter of fact, I remembered seeing him in Subway all the time years ago on campus. I thought he was cute back then, and I still feel that way. He came up to me during this class and introduced himself. Through this short little conversation we found that we share a passion for dance. More than just dance, we both ballroom dance. He was beginning to teach it in Nashville, and I have been taking it for a while now, and LOVE IT! To follow through we exchanged numbers and decided that we would get together and dance. I was very excited because I love to dance so much, and I shared with him how excited I was.
The next day he calls me and we set up a time to dance. I did not feel like I was being naive in this situation, but I wasn't taking this as a date. I just wanted to dance, and with ballroom dancing you have to have a guy partner in order to dance. As we talked on the phone, I felt very comfortable talking with him, however, I am comfortable around anyone and somehow can always make them feel welcome and comfortable as well. To continue, he asked me if I wanted to meet earlier and go get food afterwards, and without thinking I said sure. I am always hungry after dancing, I work up a good appetite. Soon after I got off the phone I realized that I may have just agreed to a date. This caught me off guard, because these were not my intentions in the beginning, but was willing to follow through thinking maybe we will hit it off, besides I really wanted to dance.
The day came and we met up. Just a little side-note, turns out he is not the dancer he made me think he was. I ended up teaching him most of the dances which was alright, but not the fun time I thought I was going to have. However, we got into the car to go out to dinner, or so I thought. Instead he told me we were going to cook dinner together at his apartment. This is where I really started to feel uncomfortable because we were going to his private apartment, "on the first date." This was sweet and nice, however, I didn't really want to be on a date. My intentions were not to date this guy, but again, I followed through thinking maybe he is a great guy and someone I will really connect with. Dinner was good but the conversation was even better.
I am very dedicated to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and therefore I talk to him about everything, asking him to reveal to me His will even in the small things. So naturally I prayed about this "date" with this guy saying reveal to me what your will is in this situation. And as I expected the Lord totally did. Through a series of questions and conversation, I quickly realized this is really not someone I want to date. I enjoyed spending time with him, but I had no intentions with it going any farther. But here is where the situation gets sticky. This guy told me that he knew something was different about me and that he really liked it. Turns out, I'm the first "real christian girl" in his words, he had ever hung out with. This for me, was an awesome witness to have, and I was very excited to be blessed with the situation. We talked about my relationship with Christ, and why I was so different than other girls who called themselves Christians. He also told me that he knew I wouldn't judge him, but still really confused. As I said earlier, the Lord was very gracious in revealing to me what His will in this situation, and it was not for me and this guy to date for various reasons. He took me back to my car and said that he wanted to hang out again but didn't know how I felt. I told him that we would see how things went because I was really busy with school but I might be able to make time. He also asked if I
texted or listened to voice mails and voice mails was chosen the winner. And then I got out of the car.
The very next morning I got a call from this guy, which really surprised me. It was a nice gesture wishing me good luck on my finals, however I quickly realized where his feelings were. The conversation was very short which I was fine with, and I continued on my day. Well later that afternoon I got another phone call from him, telling me a story about an experience he had teaching ballroom dancing. Again I was surprised to already have received two phone calls from him the very day after we hung out. I started to feel uncomfortable because I felt like somehow I
miscommunicated myself to him. Well the next day which happens to be today he called me again! This time asking me if I wanted to have lunch with him tomorrow. Thankfully I was already running late and was still trying to get ready to go out. I told him I had class the next day which is true but didn't know what time and told him I would call him back later to let him know the details. Found out that I had class in the morning and could go to lunch with him but because I obviously realized what his intentions were with this lunch date I didn't want to go. I wrestled all day long trying to figure out how to talk with him about it. I felt the need to tell him I didn't want to date, but I wouldn't mind just hanging out and being friends.
When I had a moment alone I finally called him after putting it off all day. I was so nervous that I was going to hurt him and make him feel like I lead him on. I am quite fine with telling guys I'm not interested; I have gotten a lot of practice in over the last few months, however this time I already went on a date with him and I felt like I was obligated to spend time with him now. Well I called him and told him I wanted to be honest with him. First off he mocked me saying that I sounded like it was a chore to call him, which immediately made me feel even worse. Then I went into telling him that when I agreed to go dancing I didn't realize his intentions, however I do now. And he responded by saying he didn't know what his intentions were. So I told him what my intentions were instead. Saying that I like hanging out but I did not intend on dating him. And he all of the sudden blew. Starting saying "I threw him for a loop." I apologized genuinely and felt even more awful. He then said "you make it sound like you don't even want to hang out with me." Which of course was not the case since I started out by saying "I like hanging out with you but.... I don't want to date you." But before I could finish reminding him of that he shortly said "whatever, I'll see you at church." And hung up. I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT!
Somehow I felt worse after the
convo than I did before. Communicating with him and being honest made me feel terrible. First off, I praised my Father for continuing to show me that He didn't want me to date this guy, and Second, I was very disappointed in the guy. And this is where all my frustration boils down to. I was/am angry that this guy for not being okay with just hanging out. I feel like from the get-go he had these expectations that we were just going to start dating right off the bat and everything be fine, when we didn't know a single thing about one another except that we both danced. Again we did have very good
convo and a good time with one another, but nothing promising. Expectations are very dangerous and they don't only hurt yourself but they hurt others. I was hurt because of this guy's expectations which he wasn't willing to give up easily. It's one thing to have a wonder about something, and another to expect it, and then act like a child when you don't get it. I am upset that he made me feel like I was a jerk. I hate that feeling. I am hard enough on myself, I don't need some guy telling me I am one, when really I'm not being one! And lastly and most importantly what has upset me the most is my witness. I feel like I let the Lord down and all Christian women. Glorifying Christ is and always will be my number one priority in every situation. I thought that because he noticed I was different and could tell I had Jesus, that I was making the Lord proud, but when I called him and tried to handle the situation with honesty I feel like I blew everything that I had going for the Lord. I feel like somehow I went all wrong and I did a horrendous job at handling the situation in a Christ-like manner. I hate that the "first real Christian girl" in this guy's life is now, a girl that lead him on in his eyes and someone worth hanging up on. I feel like I shamed all future Christian women in his eyes and that he will always think that all of them are like me, not worth a bit of his time. Thankfully the Lord is good, and can work all things out for His glory. Thankfully the Lord is
sovereign. Guys, don't let your heart run with you to much before putting a leash on it. Pray and seek the Lord's will in your life. Don't allow yourselves to have expectations to the point where when disappointment comes you hurt those who don't deserve it.
